Tell us a little bit about yourself.

I was born in California. When I was growing up, I used to spend the summers in Oklahoma where my Native family is. I was about 19, when my dad got locked up for the last time, and I moved back to California. I’ve been here ever since, until my dad's passing in 2002. He was born in Oklahoma and died in prison there. That's where all my dad's side of the family is, which is my Choctaw family. But other than that, I've lived in California all my life. I'm from the Bay Area originally. I've been in Tulare County for 25 years now. I live in Strathmore. I’m almost 54. I am in recovery; the 17th (of February) will be 8 months clean and sober for the first time in my life. 

Sobriety Journey, Faith and Community.

On September 26, 2024 I started church for the first time in my life, with pastor John Moreno. He lives in Visalia, but he is Yokuts. Our church is at the Elder’s Center on the [Tule River] reservation every Sunday. Anybody is welcome. It's nondenominational. It's the best church you could possibly go to. It's just meant to be. They were praying. They had been praying for somebody, for God to bring them somebody. And at the same time, I apparently was the person they were praying for because I started church there, and I fulfilled the position, helping with the service setup. We break bread every Sunday after church. And I know that it's through Christ that I have all the strength that I have.

Nicotine Quit Journey.

Yesterday it was five weeks since I quit smoking. It was on January 7, right before 7AM. I smoked my last cigarette purposely…with a cup of coffee and then I said, January 7 at 7AM is my clean time for nicotine. I was a super strong vaper. I mean, double hit the vape on boost mode. My husband couldn’t even vape on the low mode. It would choke him up. But I was a vaper. I could dial it up all the way to the maximum amount, double hit it. I loved it. I was addicted to it. I’ve been vaping since probably about 2010… To be honest, I used to add drugs to them sometimes too… but if I can quit, anybody can. 

How long had you been smoking before you started vaping?

I've been smoking for a total of forty-four years. Since I was nine…. It was my first cigarette. My sister would give me the money and write me a note to go to the store. I’d ride my bike to the store to buy a pack of cigarettes. She'd give me the fake permission slip, and they would allow it. I’d get the Marlboro one hundred gold pack… They were like a dollar something at the time. They were cheap…they were killing you real cheap back then… My sister and her friend used to babysit me. She and her friend would lock me out of their bedroom because I didn't know they smoked yet. And they knew I'd tattletale if I found out. Well, they kind of let me in on the party…

Did other people in your childhood home smoke?

My mom and dad were both smokers. My brothers, my sister…everybody in the family smoked. I used to use the toaster to light a cigarette…

Can you tell me about your recovery journey?

I started my recovery and then I looked for an outpatient program to put myself into. When I got diagnosed with colon cancer, I was still using. I gave it to God. Everybody in my family was mad at me because I wasn't going to get treatment. But I had wholeheartedly decided I didn't want to do any treatment. I felt good and just wasn't going to do it. Now I'd never been to church my life, but I gave it to God. And so, it was right when I found out I had cancer when I got certified to be a card dealer at the casino. And then on my second day out on the floor, I got drug tested. After they drug tested me, I got off my shift, and I went home. I never went back. And it was a year and some months later that I didn’t even know what made me do it. I just decided to go to Texas, spend a week there, me and Ernie, my dog. We went there and drove there. It was no problem driving there, but on the first day that I left, I threw my pipe out the window because I knew I was going to have to cross the border patrols. And I didn't want to get in trouble. So, we made it there. I quit. I slept for a week. On the way back, I got, like, not even 60 miles away from my friend's house and was panicking that I was going to have to drive back. I just drove there. I was freaking out. You know? But I made it. It was about a month and a half later, I realized that was the first time in my entire life that I was not under the influence of drugs and alcohol while I was driving.

…God was working in me already. Because then I got back and I had to swallow my pride and ask my friends where I live right now, “can I come over and talk to you?” And she said of course you can. So, I did. And I just said, you know what? I'm seventeen days clean right now. I need help. And I don't have anywhere to go to… She's got a ranch, but she's no bs in her house. You know what I mean? It is what it is. Things are a certain way and that's it… I'm glad she's like that because that made my recovery easy. It really did because things had to be done in a certain way. There was no being lazy about it…

 I wanted to go back to the doctor and get my screening done and try to find some ways of getting better without chemo. They did another screening, and it came back negative. A couple weeks later, when I got my blood panel back, my cholesterol was at 285. It was supposed to be at under 99. And so, the day I went back in for my results, I was like, I've changed my diet completely and my exercise. They hear that all the time. So, they didn't take it for what I meant. They took my blood again, but they prescribed that cholesterol medicine. I went home and I took it for a few days. And then I went back to the doctor for x-rays because I had hurt my back, and they took my blood again. My results came back, and my cholesterol went down to 102. I got to be taken off the cholesterol medicine too. Because being clean and sober, everything was changing in me. My cholesterol is even lower. My creatine is down to normal now. That was just after not smoking… That's when I got the nicotine patches thinking I was going to be able to use those to quit the vape. But they did not work for me… I couldn’t even tell if I had one on. There was no difference. They’re clueless what the vape does…has in it. I was clueless too. I didn't know. Like, one hit off a vape is like smoking a whole pack of cigarettes…You're getting a giant dose.

Can you tell us about the impact the Red Medicine Project has had on your thinking about smoking or vaping?

Nothing until you girls came and did that class. I just didn't give any thought to it, but that's because I was vaping. And, like Rabbit, he doesn't smoke. But I would vape in his car. Jeanette, the lady I live with, I vape in her car. I could vape in the house. But her man has to smoke outside… Vaping is very acceptable to other people that don't smoke as opposed to cigarettes. That's because they don't realize that the nicotine that's on your windshield, it's just as bad from the vape.

Like my little dog… I didn’t know I was poisoning the heck out of him. I didn't have any idea. I would vape in the car with him, I didn't think anything of it. Little did I know. It's killing him. Now that I quit, it's just like all these little things are clicking. Vapes are acceptable to people that don't smoke. They don't think that it's polluting everything like cigarettes do.

If people don't know, they're not making those connections. And then the ones that are addicted don't even want to hear it. They don't want to because then any person with just a little bit of intelligence doesn’t want to realize that… When I went shopping with my pastor’s wife, I would get out of the car. I would vape. And I was like, I know I shouldn't be doing this, but I like it. I'm not ready to quit yet because I like it…

Vaping is a lot more socially acceptable because it doesn't stink. People don't even think about it sitting on your furniture or on the windshield, or the fabric of the seat, or clothes. Vapes, they're acceptable.

I didn’t want to associate vapes into it at all because I liked vaping… Unless they're ready. That's like having a shot of Everclear whiskey and having a mixed drink. The mixed drink tastes good. You don't even taste the alcohol. So, it's acceptable. Right? Somebody will drink that mixed drink that tastes good and fruity, that little shot of whiskey… I know I would never think about drinking that because I'd be like, oh, no. That's bad for you. The fruity one, oh, but it's got fruit juice in it. It’s actually worse… but you don't realize it because it tastes good.

If you had to share your thoughts on how do you go from I'm never going to be able to quit to I can do this, what would that be?

You have to take care of your health, first of all. Then get some education - take your pros and cons. There's not going to be any pros to it.

What would you say to kids about smoking or vaping?

Would you put a lit cigarette in a newborn's mouth? Because they can't take it out. They're going to sit there and get burned by it, get suffocated by the smoke coming out of it… The vape is even worse to me because it tricks you. It tricks you into thinking that you're not hurting yourself and it keeps you more addicted.